2012 and all it's promises...

Well here we are very near the end of the year and 2012 is holding so much hope. There is so much to be done next year, and I don't want an ordinary year. I want to be busy, I want to feel like we are climbing out of the rut we are in. So many aspects of our lives need to be improved on, and I know where to start, I know how to start, and HAVE started. I just need to keep on keeping on.

Number 1....as everyone knows, my weight. I have seen a dietician this year, as well as exercise physiologist, it has to come down. Exercise is required daily, 3 times a week minimum, and food needs to be cleaned up. No more dairy, very little carbs, many fruits, veg and some protein. (No I am not including real food in my carb count, as long as I eat all of the fruit, bought juices are out)

Number 2... work on our fertility. D is giving up smoking, and he is in on this health kick. It's time to kick infertility to the curb and claim our baby.

Number 3... money. D needs a job, I need a secure full time one. This obviously is a priority. We then have to focus on paying out debt and starting to put money away. Dave Ramsay is going to be my friend this year, he just doesn't know it yet.

Number 4... working on creating at home businesses. We are under no illusion that this will be easy, or that it will be only one. D and I both want to work from home. We want babies in the next year or two and this will be the best way. D is also bi-polar and doesn't get along well with people, this would probably give us more security than him working for someone else. So we will be focusing on Safe Cycling Australia, Sharp Chic, A Fashionable Marriage and Sharp Organising. Somewhere in all of this we will derive an income sufficient enough to be stay at home workers.

Number 5... yes there is more! D and I both need careers. We need to feel like we are contributing to the world, by working on Number 4 and 3, this could happen.

Number 6... I want to socialise and go out more. I don't want to feel that the year has flown by and we have nothing to show for it. I want to go out for dinners, weekends away and exploring our city. I want to meet new people, entertain and hold dinner parties. I want to be social.

Number 7... I want to set my home up. I want it to exude elegance, to be clean, tidy and people to walk in and think 'these people have it together'. I don't like walking in and seeing the mish mash that is our house. I want it to have style, grace, and character. I will be blogging about the changes we make, however slowly it may take us.

Number 8.. .I want to work on me. Not only do I need to lose the weight, but I want to change the way I present myself. In no way and I saying that I wish to change me...just how I present myself to the world. I am doing a workshop hopefully soon to learn basics of makeup and haircare. Next on the agenda is clothing and manners. I am taking the challenge not to swear and this will start from tomorrow night when my MIL arrives.

Number 9...I am committing to blogging. I will have 4 sites up and going. This is going to be a HUGE Task. The plan is one blog post for each blog a week, 2 for the personal blog. This personal blog will also be a record of my challenges, my progress against my goals and my accountability. I will be adding a page specifically to hold these goals and my progress markers.

Good luck to me and good luck to 2012 and all the hope that I lay on it.

love
Moby

Another freaking Cyst

Yep that's correct, I had ANOTHER cyst burst on saturday. I have no idea why they are becoming so regular, but this one freakin hurt. It is Monday morning and I am still feeling the pain. Saturday and Sunday I spent basically in the foetal position trying to keep movement to a minimum. Poor hubby had to help me even roll over in bed. Today is just the remaining dull ache.

Hubby got his sperm analysis results back. Quantity Motility all good, Abnormality is at 98%. We are suprised the quantity and motility are good. We were expecting the worst. We are not suprised by the abnormality. Hubby is overweight, nowhere near healthy and has had an infection in his below region for the last two years. This was fixed up by surgery at the beginning of November. But this has spurred us on. A healthy change is necessary if we are wanting children.

With the cysts, I am needing to get stuff organised. I will be stocking up on supplements for us both over the weekend and hopefully in the next 3 months will start to see a difference.

For Hubby: Menevit, Maca Root, Lecithin, fish oil

Me: Saw Palmetto, Vitex, elevit, metformin, natural progesterone cream

Infertility - Our journey so far

Ok, so reading a few blogs, crying at other's heartache I've realised its time for me to be a little more open about our baby journey.

D and I had been together for about a year when we decided that we wanted a baby. A friend had just had her second son, and we were looking after him a lot. D had never been around kids and realised that he could very happily be a dad. So we said, ok we're going to start trying for a baby. We were so excited. He called his mum to tell her, I told my mum, sister and my aunt, just expecting that it would happen. In our minds it would be fine, in a few months Id be pregnant, and we would have a gorgeous bundle of our own. Most people get pregnant in 6 months....right?

But we didnt think about the realities. Hubby had a back accident, the whole sex thing, well it didnt really happen. We tried lots of pills, and nothing. So this went on for another year maybe, then we sort of figured that one out. Yes we were intimate, but Im talking once every few months. In that time I started putting on weight. Im not talking a little bit of weight, Im talking about 5-8kg every 3-6 months. I gathered we were being lazy, ate badly. Which in honestly helped it along. But not to that extent. So fast forward another couple of months. We got that sorted, we got the ovulation predicting right, and still no baby. I get to a point where I think I am, and not just vaguely. I get the nausea, I get the aching breasts, I get the lack of period, but everytime I take a test, I get my period the next day. Eventually after a 50 day cycle and still no period I went to the doctor.

He did some tests and diagnosed me with PCOS. Now, dont think this was a new diagnosis, I always knew that I had it, but was niave in thinking I knew what it meant. I gathered it would be hard to fall pregnant, Id get a burst cyst every now and then, but I never realised after 4 years Id still be waiting. So now we are at the gyno, on Metformin (well I havent taken it in awhile) and about to start Clomid. Well maybe, I was supposed to have lost 8kg, Ive put on 5. But it does get to a point that you give up hope. When does it get to be my turn, how the hell do I lose weight to make it possible. I keep hearing a 10% reduction in body weight greatly enhances your chances, how the crap do I do that??

 I hate having PCOS, I hate that hubby has issues, I hate that we are struggling to have a family, and I really freaking hate having to smile and congratulate those around me with kids. Yes Im sour, but mainly Im just hurting.

Ive been watching Guiliana & Bill, in tears mostly. While Ive never had IVF, I still know how it feels. I know what its like to wonder 'Why the hell us?, we are good people, we can give a child so much'. and I know what its like to wonder why the world is so unjust....why can those who dont deserve it, get so much?