Another freaking Cyst

Yep that's correct, I had ANOTHER cyst burst on saturday. I have no idea why they are becoming so regular, but this one freakin hurt. It is Monday morning and I am still feeling the pain. Saturday and Sunday I spent basically in the foetal position trying to keep movement to a minimum. Poor hubby had to help me even roll over in bed. Today is just the remaining dull ache.

Hubby got his sperm analysis results back. Quantity Motility all good, Abnormality is at 98%. We are suprised the quantity and motility are good. We were expecting the worst. We are not suprised by the abnormality. Hubby is overweight, nowhere near healthy and has had an infection in his below region for the last two years. This was fixed up by surgery at the beginning of November. But this has spurred us on. A healthy change is necessary if we are wanting children.

With the cysts, I am needing to get stuff organised. I will be stocking up on supplements for us both over the weekend and hopefully in the next 3 months will start to see a difference.

For Hubby: Menevit, Maca Root, Lecithin, fish oil

Me: Saw Palmetto, Vitex, elevit, metformin, natural progesterone cream

The World is the cruelest thing

So follow on from my post about the two week wait...I am now at day 36.

Now don't get too excited...Any normal person would be getting excited about this. Yeah but not me. I get a feeling of dread.

Ok so lets look at the symptoms I am experiencing:

No Period
Sore Breasts
Complete exhaustion, Im talking a weekend of not much else but sleep
Nausea every morning, and well afternoons also and evenings

So 4 pretty big ones....but guess what...Welcome to PCOS.

It SUX!

I get it, I understand it does this to me, but there will always be a small part of me (hey even big part of me) that holds out, hoping that I am pregnant. But I know that without fail, I take a pregnancy test and then either that afternoon or the next morning Aunt Flo comes knocking.

I don't understand, why does the universe have to be so cruel? I'm sitting here literally trying to swallow the ick from my throat, feeling the nausea creeping up, and just know that its nothing. Well nothing that turns into a baby anyway. I think I could handle the stress of not conceiving if I didnt have a constant reminder every couple of months of what its like to feel pregnant and to go through that week or two wondering 'what if'. And I know most would say just take a test, just to make sure. But honestly its more heartbreaking seeing a lil single line, than it is to find out Aunt Flo arrived.

till next time
moby

Infertility - Our journey so far

Ok, so reading a few blogs, crying at other's heartache I've realised its time for me to be a little more open about our baby journey.

D and I had been together for about a year when we decided that we wanted a baby. A friend had just had her second son, and we were looking after him a lot. D had never been around kids and realised that he could very happily be a dad. So we said, ok we're going to start trying for a baby. We were so excited. He called his mum to tell her, I told my mum, sister and my aunt, just expecting that it would happen. In our minds it would be fine, in a few months Id be pregnant, and we would have a gorgeous bundle of our own. Most people get pregnant in 6 months....right?

But we didnt think about the realities. Hubby had a back accident, the whole sex thing, well it didnt really happen. We tried lots of pills, and nothing. So this went on for another year maybe, then we sort of figured that one out. Yes we were intimate, but Im talking once every few months. In that time I started putting on weight. Im not talking a little bit of weight, Im talking about 5-8kg every 3-6 months. I gathered we were being lazy, ate badly. Which in honestly helped it along. But not to that extent. So fast forward another couple of months. We got that sorted, we got the ovulation predicting right, and still no baby. I get to a point where I think I am, and not just vaguely. I get the nausea, I get the aching breasts, I get the lack of period, but everytime I take a test, I get my period the next day. Eventually after a 50 day cycle and still no period I went to the doctor.

He did some tests and diagnosed me with PCOS. Now, dont think this was a new diagnosis, I always knew that I had it, but was niave in thinking I knew what it meant. I gathered it would be hard to fall pregnant, Id get a burst cyst every now and then, but I never realised after 4 years Id still be waiting. So now we are at the gyno, on Metformin (well I havent taken it in awhile) and about to start Clomid. Well maybe, I was supposed to have lost 8kg, Ive put on 5. But it does get to a point that you give up hope. When does it get to be my turn, how the hell do I lose weight to make it possible. I keep hearing a 10% reduction in body weight greatly enhances your chances, how the crap do I do that??

 I hate having PCOS, I hate that hubby has issues, I hate that we are struggling to have a family, and I really freaking hate having to smile and congratulate those around me with kids. Yes Im sour, but mainly Im just hurting.

Ive been watching Guiliana & Bill, in tears mostly. While Ive never had IVF, I still know how it feels. I know what its like to wonder 'Why the hell us?, we are good people, we can give a child so much'. and I know what its like to wonder why the world is so unjust....why can those who dont deserve it, get so much?

Day 2 - Ok Im really not liking this one

Yep I give in for this one. I think its more a business type blog challenge. Im sure Ill be able to find better ones later.

So my first project...health. I am severely laking. I am uber tired at the moment and havent been taking my PCOS meds cos I havent been bothered going to the pharmacy, and have been suffering from allergies. I got rid of those issues a few years ago (the allergy ones) with a juice cleanse, so that is my plan for next week. I am also thinking about cutting down the TV next week. have a free weekend next weekend and only an hour in the evening, or no tv till after 7pm. The main issue is D having his op, he is still recovering. So maybe keep the TV Challenge for another week or so.

So plan for next week
Gym Monday, Wednesday Friday, Sauna on Tuesday.
Juice, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and maybe Wednesday

Body Brush Daily
Facemask Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday
Body Scrub Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday

2L water daily

30 min walk in the evenings

I definitely want this to be about health. .Afterwards focusing on more fruits, salads and vegies. Cut out the coffee, switch to herbal teas and go from there. We are looking at no red meat in our diets anyway, so stick to fish and chicken. It isnt too much differnt from what we have been trying to do for the last few weeks anyway.

Its been a long time

Good morning all,

Yep its been a long time. My lil sis broke her neck not long after my last post, and after 2 weeks of hospitals and doctors got put into a halo brace. We are super lucky she is alive.

So what else is happening???....well we have been going a little crazy getting furniture (we were missing a lounge dining chairs), in-laws are going crazy, hubby's bi-polar was going a lil nuts, work has been hectic, and we finally decided after 2 weeks of foster training to put it on hold for a little bit. So yeah things have finally calmed back down. I am now back to the gym, we are slowly taking all gluten out of our diet, and we are back on the whole trying for a baby thing. We had taken a break for the last few months.

So my plan for the day, work, library, gym (body balance) and then home to my wonderful husband. Oh and to do a lil more of my crocheting....(I'm learning to crochet a blanket :D)

started 11.08.10

moby