the Secret

So I have finally succumbed and am in the process of reading The Secret. I like the idea and thought of it, but Im a Capricorn. How am I supposed to not worry, to not thing the worst and to not judge. I am judgy mc judgy. It is something I am becoming a lot more aware of, and definitely something I am trying to fix. I read back on my posts and I am very aware how it is quite negative and all about my weight and trying to change myself. I am slowly letting that go. For so many years I have built up this idea in my head of who/what I want to be, but I am slowly coming to grips with just refining me. I think the best example of it is Khloe Kardashian Odom. She is gorgeous, has this constant pressure from the media with her weight, is extremely out there, loud and foul mouthed. BUT, she is an incredible role model, a wonderful pseudo parent for her siblings and happy to be herself. She is a fantastic wife, intelligent, beautiful and great business woman and doesn't make apologies for being who she is. OK so I have posted quite a lot on here about changing, refining, I am not saying that I'm forgetting that. I am saying that I still want to be me. I want to be the loud me, the shy me, the foul mouthed me, but I want to look good, and be respected doing it. And it means hard work. And it means taking the time to focus on me and a lot less focus on others.

So that's where the secret comes in. I am going to make the rounds of a whole heap of books in the coming weeks (College is just about up for the term) and I intend to use the time wisely. I graduate in just over 3 months and will be helping others find the strength to fix their issues, it's now time I sort my own out. The first I am working on is just being more positive and less judgemental. To be too busy working on me to think or talk about others. This will be a hard one at home when mum wants to talk.

Goals for the week ahead

1. Less Judgemental

2. Lots more Positive

3. More loving to D

4. Less criticizing D, and less negative talk

Physical Goals

5. 3 x Gym Sessions

6. Hair Treatment x 2

7. Face mask - find where one is, apply!

8. Makeup at least 3 times before Next Wednesday

I think they are attainable...lots of them though! But I am putting in hair mask as I type.

Aspergers - BiPolar

thoughts??

We are starting to lean towards Aspergers...it's all starting to drive us both nuts. We want a real diagnosis, concrete treatment path and how we are to move forward.

A few years ago after a crisis, D and I went to the doc asking for help. He jumped on a mental health website, did a bit of research and wondered if he had Bi-Polar, the pysch said yep, sounds good, thats it. Well honestly after 4 years, we beg to differ. It all doesnt add up. I love my hubby, but there are things that just aren't quite right. Things I take for granted as being 'normal' and what people should be doing, he just doesnt get. Social 'Norms' mean nothing in my household. Spoke to his mum today to get a background on his childhood, and it is looking more and more likely that we are looking at Aspergers. So next on our agenda...learning more..

OOOH CRAP

Its my 5th anniversary today....I forgot

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

I married my husband after being engaged for 2 months and together 2 years. We have had some super rocky times, where honestly I didn't think we would make it, but this year we will be celebrating 3 years of marriage, and in 6 days, 5 years together. 5 is my magic number. No longer are we 'newly weds' or a 'young' couple, we are committed, and a happily married 'old' couple. 

D and I have been through the wringers and back. After a world of lies and half truths, fights etc, we found out that D has bi-polar. I know that this is not an excuse, but it was because of this diagnosis that we were able to get help, and learn to deal with what this metal health issue threw at us. Life can be rocky, and it can be frustrating, but I cant imagine my life without him. And honestly there are days that he frustrates me so badly that I am ready to just bite him...lol. It is definitely a learning experience. Together we have fun, he has taught me that life is to enjoy, that I dont need to be the serious one. He has taught me that there is something so much better than the fairy tales. Together him and I can conquer the world, we can follow our dreams, and we will always have that person by our side to fall back on and I cant think of a better man to spend my life with. 

The other thing that I gained with D was his name.I know this is a bit odd for me to make a point of, but its something that I never truly had. I was named at birth with my mother's maiden name, at 12, my father decided I was to have his, so I was to drop my original last name. Then at 15 I decided that I should not have been made to change without my input and hyphenated it. Then when I was 18, legally I had to revert to my mothers maiden name (she never got around to legally changing it). For so many years my name kept changing, it was never mine, I had no link to it, no ownership. Then I married D. No longer was my name changed to whatever someone felt like, I was Mrs S. It is mine, no one can take it from me, that is my name. And as I have told D, if for any reason we divorce, I will remain Ms S. Its my freaking name, I worked hard for it, Its mine!

Day something...A Pic of my family

Ok, well its not all of my family, but its my lil sis (C) and my husband. I am in the middle. This is one of my favourites. I am about 23 in this pic, and it was not long after I moved in with D. Our first family reunion. It really tells all about the relationship the three of us have. My hubby loves to pick on lil sis, but they get along wonderfully. Right now they are actually watching a movie together. He taunts her and drives her nuts, but they love each other to bits..and I'm pretty stoked that they do. C and I are super close, she is my only sibling. I cant imagine living without her close by.

Day 9-12

Following on
Day 9 - Something that I am proud of this week


I am super proud of my hubby. Above it the logo of his campaign for safer cycling, url is safecyclingaustralia.org. He is campaigning for a minimum of 1 metre distance between cars and bicycles while overtaking. He is working so hard, and doing so well. I am so super super in love with him....

Day 10 - Songs I listen to when....(insert emotion)

This is honestly a tricky one. I love all sorts of music and will listen to whatever whenever. I do prefers Norah Jones, Missy Higgins, Jewel, Laura Marling, Angus and Julie Stone to sing along too, and 80s love ballads to drive to, but Im happy with anything.

Day 11 - Pic of me and friends

Ill pass on this one

Day 12 - How did you find out about blogging...why do you do it?

I honestly cant remember where I found out about it. I have always written a journal, and only recently found one from when I was 11, so this was the natural progression. I do still keep a journal though.

Through blogging I want to enhance my writing skills, use it as an outlet, and find and share some interesting ideas. I also want to learn more about blogs and websites. Eventually use my skills to find something I am good enough at to make some money from. (No I do not expect to make any money from this blog)

I have just found CNN's ireport bootcamp, hopefully that will help fine tune some skills.