the Secret

So I have finally succumbed and am in the process of reading The Secret. I like the idea and thought of it, but Im a Capricorn. How am I supposed to not worry, to not thing the worst and to not judge. I am judgy mc judgy. It is something I am becoming a lot more aware of, and definitely something I am trying to fix. I read back on my posts and I am very aware how it is quite negative and all about my weight and trying to change myself. I am slowly letting that go. For so many years I have built up this idea in my head of who/what I want to be, but I am slowly coming to grips with just refining me. I think the best example of it is Khloe Kardashian Odom. She is gorgeous, has this constant pressure from the media with her weight, is extremely out there, loud and foul mouthed. BUT, she is an incredible role model, a wonderful pseudo parent for her siblings and happy to be herself. She is a fantastic wife, intelligent, beautiful and great business woman and doesn't make apologies for being who she is. OK so I have posted quite a lot on here about changing, refining, I am not saying that I'm forgetting that. I am saying that I still want to be me. I want to be the loud me, the shy me, the foul mouthed me, but I want to look good, and be respected doing it. And it means hard work. And it means taking the time to focus on me and a lot less focus on others.

So that's where the secret comes in. I am going to make the rounds of a whole heap of books in the coming weeks (College is just about up for the term) and I intend to use the time wisely. I graduate in just over 3 months and will be helping others find the strength to fix their issues, it's now time I sort my own out. The first I am working on is just being more positive and less judgemental. To be too busy working on me to think or talk about others. This will be a hard one at home when mum wants to talk.

Goals for the week ahead

1. Less Judgemental

2. Lots more Positive

3. More loving to D

4. Less criticizing D, and less negative talk

Physical Goals

5. 3 x Gym Sessions

6. Hair Treatment x 2

7. Face mask - find where one is, apply!

8. Makeup at least 3 times before Next Wednesday

I think they are attainable...lots of them though! But I am putting in hair mask as I type.

Sunday and the motivation kicks

Ok so it's Sunday night and motivation has kicked back it....where the crap has it been hiding for the week just gone??!!?

Spent a great weekend catching up with an old but much loved friend and her super awesome lil man. It was great and I really enjoyed socialising with someone other than hubby or family. I managed to also get an assignment done, do a lil shopping, and spend some time with my gorgeous D.

So plans for the coming week:
 Detox - lots of juices, veg and salad
 A lil walking, even just 15mins a day...just get moving
 Wake up an hour before I leave each day and prepare for the day

Half my problem is that Im lazy and enjoy my time with hubs too much, the other half is that I don't prepare...and like they say 'fail to prepare and prepare to fail'...yeah well, it's true!

Also caught up with one of my besties this arvo and it was great. I loved just sitting and chatting with her, she lets me just vent, listens to my crap and I walk out feeling like a weight has been lifted. I have been feeling so stressed lately, I forget that just having that person to chat to can make it all so much better.

So thanks huni...you're awesome!! xoxox

Lies....

"A single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity" ~ Bathasar Gracian

OK, lets talk lies..... I have a real issue with lies, they erode the very foundation of any relationship.  Hubby has been sneaking cigarettes, ok, not that bad a thing, but he keeps lying. When I ask blatantly, 'did you buy cigarettes' and he says no....its a lie. All these little lies add up to a lot of mistrust. He doesnt quite understand. Now dont get me wrong, its not all about cigarettes, we do have a history or issues with lie, but I thought we were over it, turns out, we aren't. I come from a family of liars, its the one thing that is a deal breaker for me. My alcoholic father used to promise us the world. It took us a long time and many heartbroken moments to realise that we cant believe a word out of his mouth, I didnt want to spend my adult years the same. But here I am at nearly 28, going through it with D. D has bi-polar, and a fucked up childhood, and yes it helps to justify in his head the lies, but we need to find a way out of this.  I do need to do more research on bi-polar, because the two are linked, but where do I draw the line between just an excuse and a real reason? How do I know that if it is part of the bipolar, that I am emotionally capable of dealing with it?  How do I trust him? How do I trust him not to go looking for something elsewhere?