2012 and all it's promises...

Well here we are very near the end of the year and 2012 is holding so much hope. There is so much to be done next year, and I don't want an ordinary year. I want to be busy, I want to feel like we are climbing out of the rut we are in. So many aspects of our lives need to be improved on, and I know where to start, I know how to start, and HAVE started. I just need to keep on keeping on.

Number 1....as everyone knows, my weight. I have seen a dietician this year, as well as exercise physiologist, it has to come down. Exercise is required daily, 3 times a week minimum, and food needs to be cleaned up. No more dairy, very little carbs, many fruits, veg and some protein. (No I am not including real food in my carb count, as long as I eat all of the fruit, bought juices are out)

Number 2... work on our fertility. D is giving up smoking, and he is in on this health kick. It's time to kick infertility to the curb and claim our baby.

Number 3... money. D needs a job, I need a secure full time one. This obviously is a priority. We then have to focus on paying out debt and starting to put money away. Dave Ramsay is going to be my friend this year, he just doesn't know it yet.

Number 4... working on creating at home businesses. We are under no illusion that this will be easy, or that it will be only one. D and I both want to work from home. We want babies in the next year or two and this will be the best way. D is also bi-polar and doesn't get along well with people, this would probably give us more security than him working for someone else. So we will be focusing on Safe Cycling Australia, Sharp Chic, A Fashionable Marriage and Sharp Organising. Somewhere in all of this we will derive an income sufficient enough to be stay at home workers.

Number 5... yes there is more! D and I both need careers. We need to feel like we are contributing to the world, by working on Number 4 and 3, this could happen.

Number 6... I want to socialise and go out more. I don't want to feel that the year has flown by and we have nothing to show for it. I want to go out for dinners, weekends away and exploring our city. I want to meet new people, entertain and hold dinner parties. I want to be social.

Number 7... I want to set my home up. I want it to exude elegance, to be clean, tidy and people to walk in and think 'these people have it together'. I don't like walking in and seeing the mish mash that is our house. I want it to have style, grace, and character. I will be blogging about the changes we make, however slowly it may take us.

Number 8.. .I want to work on me. Not only do I need to lose the weight, but I want to change the way I present myself. In no way and I saying that I wish to change me...just how I present myself to the world. I am doing a workshop hopefully soon to learn basics of makeup and haircare. Next on the agenda is clothing and manners. I am taking the challenge not to swear and this will start from tomorrow night when my MIL arrives.

Number 9...I am committing to blogging. I will have 4 sites up and going. This is going to be a HUGE Task. The plan is one blog post for each blog a week, 2 for the personal blog. This personal blog will also be a record of my challenges, my progress against my goals and my accountability. I will be adding a page specifically to hold these goals and my progress markers.

Good luck to me and good luck to 2012 and all the hope that I lay on it.

love
Moby

Aspergers - BiPolar

thoughts??

We are starting to lean towards Aspergers...it's all starting to drive us both nuts. We want a real diagnosis, concrete treatment path and how we are to move forward.

A few years ago after a crisis, D and I went to the doc asking for help. He jumped on a mental health website, did a bit of research and wondered if he had Bi-Polar, the pysch said yep, sounds good, thats it. Well honestly after 4 years, we beg to differ. It all doesnt add up. I love my hubby, but there are things that just aren't quite right. Things I take for granted as being 'normal' and what people should be doing, he just doesnt get. Social 'Norms' mean nothing in my household. Spoke to his mum today to get a background on his childhood, and it is looking more and more likely that we are looking at Aspergers. So next on our agenda...learning more..

The World is pushing down

picture from Health Spa Blog

So to add insult to injury, we woke up this morning to find D had not been paid. This would have been an intentional thing from his work, as they had a go at him yesterday for not handing in his timesheet. Which yep his error, but they knew he worked, he spoke on the phone to his manager about it. Why the fuck can they do this. We honestly live week to week at the moment. I hate doing it, but we are just not getting anywhere money wise and have to. So this has really caused an issue. 

Saving money. Ok what can we do?

1. Not pay any bills this week - eek theres going to be lots of phone calls to do that

2. Eat out of the cupboard - I dont freaking keep much in my cupboard....oh well time to get clever

3. Dont drive around anywhere. Yeah like thats going to be easy

Fuck, I know its not a big list, but we had a car payment come out this week. I have agreed to pay a few things, I wanted to eat. Oh well good time to lost a few kgs I suppose.

Why can't life be simple?

On the flip side (I have to find one to keep sane), its the lil push we needed to really knuckle down and save. So Foxtel will be getting turned off, 2nd car will be sold, time to declutter the home, and rethink our spending in all areas. 

Im sorry xmas, you have been cancelled.

BIPOLAR - Why I hate your guts

Let me start off by saying that I love my husband. He is one of the best things that have ever happened to me, and I can't imagine being without him.

That being said, I hate his Bipolar. Bipolar is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face.

I try to see Bipolar as separate to him, it isn't really, but it helps me get through some of 'those' days. Today is one of those days. See, I just got a call from hubby, work isn't going so well. Things are getting nasty and the way its looking it wont be long until he calls me telling me one of two things: he has either quit or been fired. Now I'd like to say that this isn't a common thing, unfortunately it is.

For some reason everything is horrid, the world is against him, they are all morons, the place is shit. Don't think I don't believe him, some things do seem really crap. But not everything is on their part, D has a part in it too. The bipolar in him is aggressive, it takes things and twists them around and turns them into something they're not. It can make an innocent issue turn into some cruel vendetta marked for him. I just wish we could find a way for it not to be the case. How do we turn paranoia, aggression, impatience and lack of organisation around, so that he remains employable?

When I was younger I always saw my hubby as successful, stable, supportive, and at times he fits the bill, just not at the moment. The Capricorn in me needs this, the Bipolar in him though needs something different. Bipolar in all honesty is such a selfish condition. I'll try to sound as unselfish as possible. Sometimes it is about me too. But hell thats another post..

Just wanted to say BIPOLAR SUX

Lies....

"A single lie destroys a whole reputation for integrity" ~ Bathasar Gracian

OK, lets talk lies..... I have a real issue with lies, they erode the very foundation of any relationship.  Hubby has been sneaking cigarettes, ok, not that bad a thing, but he keeps lying. When I ask blatantly, 'did you buy cigarettes' and he says no....its a lie. All these little lies add up to a lot of mistrust. He doesnt quite understand. Now dont get me wrong, its not all about cigarettes, we do have a history or issues with lie, but I thought we were over it, turns out, we aren't. I come from a family of liars, its the one thing that is a deal breaker for me. My alcoholic father used to promise us the world. It took us a long time and many heartbroken moments to realise that we cant believe a word out of his mouth, I didnt want to spend my adult years the same. But here I am at nearly 28, going through it with D. D has bi-polar, and a fucked up childhood, and yes it helps to justify in his head the lies, but we need to find a way out of this.  I do need to do more research on bi-polar, because the two are linked, but where do I draw the line between just an excuse and a real reason? How do I know that if it is part of the bipolar, that I am emotionally capable of dealing with it?  How do I trust him? How do I trust him not to go looking for something elsewhere?