To write Love

Today is a day for depression awareness. This subject is very close to my heart as my husband has Bipolar. We are both very very open about his Bipolar, but this will never make it easy to live and deal with depression each day of our lives. While I do not really believe awareness is needed, (we all have our battles), we definitely need to stop keeping such life threatening illnesses in the dark. People need to feel comfortable showing their weaknesses and asking for help, and many more others need to have compassion enough to offer it.

A year nearly

So its been nearly a year since the suspected miscarriage and life is still in limbo. We are down to 1 wage but the bright side is that it's given D time to work on his stuff. I need to get in this weekend and do up some business plans, i need lots of sleep too. Life is too crazy. We had dinner with friends tonight though, that was heaps of fun :)


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the Secret

So I have finally succumbed and am in the process of reading The Secret. I like the idea and thought of it, but Im a Capricorn. How am I supposed to not worry, to not thing the worst and to not judge. I am judgy mc judgy. It is something I am becoming a lot more aware of, and definitely something I am trying to fix. I read back on my posts and I am very aware how it is quite negative and all about my weight and trying to change myself. I am slowly letting that go. For so many years I have built up this idea in my head of who/what I want to be, but I am slowly coming to grips with just refining me. I think the best example of it is Khloe Kardashian Odom. She is gorgeous, has this constant pressure from the media with her weight, is extremely out there, loud and foul mouthed. BUT, she is an incredible role model, a wonderful pseudo parent for her siblings and happy to be herself. She is a fantastic wife, intelligent, beautiful and great business woman and doesn't make apologies for being who she is. OK so I have posted quite a lot on here about changing, refining, I am not saying that I'm forgetting that. I am saying that I still want to be me. I want to be the loud me, the shy me, the foul mouthed me, but I want to look good, and be respected doing it. And it means hard work. And it means taking the time to focus on me and a lot less focus on others.

So that's where the secret comes in. I am going to make the rounds of a whole heap of books in the coming weeks (College is just about up for the term) and I intend to use the time wisely. I graduate in just over 3 months and will be helping others find the strength to fix their issues, it's now time I sort my own out. The first I am working on is just being more positive and less judgemental. To be too busy working on me to think or talk about others. This will be a hard one at home when mum wants to talk.

Goals for the week ahead

1. Less Judgemental

2. Lots more Positive

3. More loving to D

4. Less criticizing D, and less negative talk

Physical Goals

5. 3 x Gym Sessions

6. Hair Treatment x 2

7. Face mask - find where one is, apply!

8. Makeup at least 3 times before Next Wednesday

I think they are attainable...lots of them though! But I am putting in hair mask as I type.

Agony

I think it's time for a holiday, I am exhausted. My back is so tight everyone at home keeps rubbing it, giving me voltarin and putting deep heat, it's not loosening up, plus I can't seem to get rid of this ear infection, so dumb. Anyway on the so much better side, only 3 assignments left of term... Woohoo. And i intend to enjoy the break! I need to get my hot lil hands on a copy of the magic, thats my plan.
D still isnt working...boohoo, so soon we will need to start thinking of different options. I have been considering looking at buying a cafe, we'll have to see tho. See what kind of finance i could get. Who knows.

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Another week down

Yeah I've been a lil tragic. I am seriously struggling to keep on track. I have no motivation to exercise, and food has been pretty bad. Still a bit better, just not real good. The last two weeks have been the worst, but alot of that has been bad planning. I have been having cup of soups for lunch, and generally eggs/or toast for breakfast. I have been sneaking in a few too many cold coffees though, so that needs to stop. Back to toast and cottage cheese for breakfast tomorrow with cup of soup for lunch. And I will ensure that I make a proper coffee tomorrow.

On the bright side, mum and I are starting a new business venture...ironically cupcakes and lollies. HAH! hopefully in 6 months once I have my counselling qualifications we will be able to start up a store. Then I might be able to incorporate my counselling room in the same building. I am hoping to have a showroom as such in the front. Displaying the cakes, and lolly buffets, and then incorporate some other stuff. This will be a good base to take orders, do prep work and also have someone there to meet and greet clients as they come in the door. It also makes me a lil more comfortable having clients and knowing that there is someone around if needed.

I am also looking at specialising my clinic towards sexual health and relationships. It's something that I have always wanted to work with, and think that I am open and have a healthy outlook on this sort of stuff to help people. It's all starting to get a lil fun and exciting.

Close to 10kg gone

So from Monday I am down 8.8kg, officially from weigh in on Wednesday, I am down 6.6kg :). doing well. The bummer is that D lost his job this week so we are pretty pov, and can no longer afford the special healthy food. Isn't it rediculous that its cheaper to buy crap food than healthy stuff. D is trying to eat food that doesn't affect his belly, and that too will be a bit harder now. We are juicing for at least one meal a day. Its all slowly working. I am trying to make sure I am exercising at least 4 times a week and still getting up at 5.30 to do it....yuk! Dave and went for a walk tonite and for the first time in years I was able to keep up and it didnt kill my feet and I got back and recovered quickly :) Now to keep it up and go further, further and further....I call it SUCCESS!!

So excited!

So far not so good

So I am sticking to the exercise (to a point) and burning some calories, and I am down in weight. But I am soooo not sticking to the program. All up I am down 2.2kg, and I really want to be down another 2, that puts me into the next weight decade. If I work my butt off tomorrow and Tuesday and eat cleanly, I could be close to it.

My plan for tomorrow is 20 mins on the bike and 20 mins on the elliptical, and then 10mins doing squats, situp, pushups etc. From tomorrow I will also start going for a walk at night with hubby at night and look at a situp/pushup challenge. I want to increase my fitness firstly, and then I want to drop this weight.

A big fear of mine is excess skin, I have sort of come to the acceptance that I will have lots of it, but I have been trying to find ways to minimise the amount. So far I know about body brushing and toning exercises. Other things that I have been found out about, apparently dropping body fat down to around 10% and then putting the weight that you want back on. I'm not 100% on that option, 10% seems a little unattainable, but also pretty unhealthy. otherwise...Im still searching. Im thinking that maybe saving money for a whole lot of surgery seems like a better idea ;)

So tomorrow I also need to start moderating my food intake. I guess I better send Dave to do some shopping on Tuesday. ick