Im struggling

I'm struggling a bit with life at the moment. Having a bit of anxiety and not so much in giving up on the world, but more just dissatisfaction of where I am at. I know that I can change it, I know I will, but it all seems too overwhelming.

My ideal me
Making $80-$130K a year...yes I am aiming high..I capable of this
Settle into a career - do I want to continue with counselling or do I want to do project management?
I want to be thin....ok so not super thin, but fairly thin. a size 10 would make me very very happy
I want to be elegant and graceful...
I want to have a wonderful marriage where the same issues dont keep coming up and not get fixed...(beating my head against a brickwall)
I want to live life...not just watch it rush by. We are nearly in June..I have no idea where the first 5 months have gone, I don't even have photos...I always have photos :(

How can I get there...
I need to work out what I want to do and GO FOR IT. Have confidence I CAN DO THIS
Career...yeah I have no real definite answers to that. Once I have my counselling certificate I will reassess
Being thin...I am doing the 12wbt...This is going to get me there
I want to be elegant and Graceful....keep working at it sunshine.
I think hubby and I need counselling together. Its not going to resolve itself..obviously. The only problem is that the counsellors keep telling us that its his problem he has to work on it, thats not going to help our marriage...we both need to work on this, and we need to work on our marriage. Dont get me wrong..its a pretty good marriage...I just dont like having the same trust issues coming up over and over again because he keeps lying.
living life....that one I reall do have to work on and work on finding a solution

My Commitment

My Commitment

My commitment to My hubby, My future babies, Mish, the 12wbt family and most importantly to myself.
I COMMIT to the full 12 weeks of the 12WBT Program
I COMMIT to following the food plan at least 95% of the time
I COMMIT to getting back on track if I fall down
I COMMIT to exercising, even if just for 30minutes 6 days out of EVERY WEEK
I COMMIT to losing 10kg's by the end of the 12 Weeks

I COMMIT to a better to continuing this journey after 12 weeks.
I COMMIT to a better life for my family and for me
I COMMIT to reaching my most important goal of a BMI under 30 in the next 18 months
I COMMIT to a sustainable journey that means that I live the next 18months of this journey, enjoying life with my husband, and it not being all about my weight loss
I COMMIT to making changes that are sustainable and will see me reach my goals.

This is a lot to commit to, but It all comes back to two things. Committing to the 12WBT and committing to getting into the game and off of the sidelines.


with love

xxx

Excuses

HI Im Kat....and I am the Queen of Excuses

Up until around 7 years ago when I met my hubby, I was sitting at a 16, but was still fairly active and pretty fit. I definitely proved being big didn't mean unfit. Then I met hubby and I was so absorbed in him that I didnt put myself first. Then came a very very rocky relationship while we worked out he had Bi-Polar, and without using it as an excuse it was difficult. But I let my unhappiness, my need to spend time with him, or my want to zone out and read to escape the world as an excuse to eat whatever and no longer exercise. I also matched my food portions with his already over sized food portions. Yup eating way too much and not exercising. So I started putting weight on, then PCOS really started to rear its ugly head and show all the painful horrid symptoms. So now 7 years later, I have pretty much all the symptoms of PCOS, I still eat badly, using the excuse that PCOS makes it impossible to lose weight anyway, and dont exercise as I have issues with my feet, and back issues from having a car accident. The funny thing is, the weight causes all of these things to be a problem.

Here come the next excuses, I work full time and study full time. Yes its busy. BUT...like everything I leave studying til last minute so I actually have heaps of time. And the latest one..I drive an hour each way to and from work...oh boohoo, Im home by 5 most days, that's heaps of time.

so here I am, nearly 30 and way too unhealthy. Hubby and I desperately want a family, but now suffer infertility, and we kept saying we needed to make changes, and after 6 years of pining for a child we are so far away from there.

I have now started making changes..and I want this to work. I want children, I want to be back in a size 12-14, and a want to have the energy to do all the things I want to do. eg hiking, exploring, kayaking, jogging, walking, cycling etc oh and a gorgeous wardrobe

I want to stop being lazy...cos that what it comes down to..I need to stop being LAZY.

The adventure starts now...

moby
xoxo

ok so I found them

I think my blog was chucking a hissy fit, I couldn't see any new blog posts...but they seem to have reappeared.

Ok so today I am up a few kgs, I think this is Aunt Flo. I am up 4.5kg from my usual. I have been doing a protein detox for the last three days (a la Body Trim) and hope to hit ketosis by tomorrow morning. I am low on water today, have only downed about 1L, and still need to cook something for tomorrows lunch.

I have sent mum out to pick up salad, some chicken breast and taco seasoning. I will cook them up for tonight's dinner and then some for tomorrow also.

I am pumped..I want this done, I want the weight gone and I want babies. I have some great goals and I need the weight gone to achieve them.

I love the idea of being elegant, and proper, but it's hard work, and I need to be thinner to achieve the look. I will never be as regal as a princess, or as proper as the queen, but I have no doubt though that I can definitely improve.

So while I will be losing weight, I need to also be making some changes in other areas. But for today...the weight is the issue.

So dinner tonite, Chicken in taco sauce, with salsa. lettuce and a tbspn sour cream. with diet coke.

tasty.....

moby xoxox

umm missing blog posts

I know I have done these...i wonder if they are hiding in my drafts???

12wbt Blog Challenges

Just because I love them, here is the first of my bloggy challenges from Nutritionally Yours


Tell us a little bit about yourself. What makes you, you?
 - My name is Kat, I am 29, married to my wonderful hubby of 5 years and trying for a baby. I am a capricorn and a capricorn in every sense of the word. I am ambitious, strong willed, stubborn and loyal. I love my hubby and family, and love to be secure financially and emotionally. I was once a little overweight but fairly fit, now I am very overweight and very unfit, this has made me lose a lot of confidence, determination and strength. I want to change this.

Why did you decide to do the 12WBT?
- I chose to do the 12WBT as hubby tried it a year ago and lost weight, my next option is gastric banding, I dont want that, but I need motivation and accountability. I gather I will give this a go. If I fail, then gastric banding is it. I want a change and I think that 12WBT can help.

What are you hoping to achieve through this program?
- I am going to achieve a few things. Firstly at 5kg loss. That is the first goal. Secondly get into the habit of exercise and get fitter. I want to be able to walk 5km without feeling like I am going to die...hey I cant walk 100m without feeling like I am going to die. And lastly to get into the habit of healthy eating. I am doing ok with this, but I can get better.

Why have you decided to blog the 12wbt, what will be the main focus?
- I have decided to blog it, as its part of everyday life. It will focus on everything.

How will you be exercising this round? Gym, home, outdoors or a mixture?
- well Im sort of hoping gym, but I'm not 100% on paying the gym fees. I am wanting to save some money, but if thats what we need that's what we will do. Generally though, it will be a mixture of all.

What is your greatest strength that will help you?
- My greatest strength is probably my biggest weakness. I am an organiser, if I can use this to my advantage, then I will be steaming ahead.

What are you afraid of?
- I am afraid of failing, of being embarrassed. I am afraid that I wont be able to do this, that I wont be able to do anything without hurting myself.

What am I most looking forward to?
- I am most looking forward to getting fitter. Being able to spend a day not having backaches from my weight. I am sure I can lose those pains in the next 12 weeks, I am also sure that I can fit into one of my suits.

What is your downfall? Food? Exercise? How will you overcome this?
- Everything is my downfall. I love food, I am scared of exercise, I am bad at actually getting food prepared, feeling like eating what I make. I dont know how to overcome all of this.

If you had to pick one word to motivate you what would it be?
- babies

moby xoxo

Another adventure?

So I did pretty well with the detox. It lasted a week and a half and I was feeling amazing. But then it stopped, and while I have put about 2kg back on, I am starting to feel better and am a bit more aware of what I am eating. So now to the next adventure, we have signed up to do the 12wbt again. I am really looking forward to it, and I think we will be successful.
Actually, I really don't want to fail. I need to get this weight down, I am in the best frame of mind in years, and I am really hoping that this will be it. I am going to follow the program, do all the preseason tasks, follow it all to the "T" and see how I go. I want to lose 15kg in the first round of 12 weeks, if I take into account the 4 weeks of preseason, hopefully I can lose 20kg. But honestly even 5kg would be great.

Warm Up tasks:
1 - make a small change - my small change this week will be to go for a small walk during my lunch break, and to take lunch everyday.

2 - make 50% of all fluid intake water. working out my water intake by weight, I should be drinking about 4L a day. I will aim for this, I have already cut out anything else during the day. I will generally have a coffee of a morning and then water for the rest of the day. I just now need to up it.

3 - this is going to be the hard one. 30km of exercise in a week. working on 6 days of exercise, that 5km a day. I am going to organise a free gym trial, so tomorrow this will start. I will try 2km on the bike, 2km rowing and 1km walking.

But it all starts soon..I'll keep you updated :)